In his seminal book about managing relationships, How to win Friends and Influence People, Dale Carnegie asserted that you can never win an argument. What he meant by this is, whilst you may win the point, the person with whom you’ve argued will resent you for it and, particularly with reference to working relationships, you will lose out in the long run. In the cold light of day this seems rational, even obvious, but holding onto this thought in the heat of conflict and acting accordingly is easier said than done.
We encounter conflict all the time – at work, at home, on the touch lines of our children’s sports matches. In my own world of healthcare conflict is all but inevitable. Resources are limited, demand is enormous, and people are frequently unwell, in pain, or frightened. I see conflict daily – between doctors and patients, between healthcare workers, between healthcare workers and managers and, on a bad day, between patients and other patients.
It is an inherent part of the human condition to be frequently irritated by other humans and yet how many of us actually think about how we manage conflict? Conflict is different from disagreement. Disagreement can be useful, it can fuel debate and may lead to useful progress but conflict is a damaging and negative entity. Conflict adds to the stress of an already stressful situation and may erupt from pre-existing underlying tensions. In the workplace badly manged conflict can lead to lack of job satisfaction and low morale (1) but very few of us have any training in managing conflict, or even think consciously about the way we handle it.
Conflict can be conceptualised as occurring in four phases. First is frustration which is rapidly followed by a rationalisation (which may be inaccurate) as to why the source of frustration has occurred. For example, someone hasn’t completed a particular piece of work in time to meet a deadline, you immediately leap to the conclusion that they must be lazy or incompetent. This rationalisation leads to a behaviour intended to address the perceived source of frustration, such as storming across the office and bawling out your colleague. This leads to the fourth phase, the destructive outcome, which may be damage to the working relationship or a formal complaint being made about your conduct (2).
Things can rapidly spiral out of control in conflict situations and we have all experienced times when leaping to a conclusion about why something has gone wrong has landed us in even more hot water. Common sources of frustration in the workplace are poor communication, ill-defined job roles, excessive workload, or ambiguous instructions. Recognising these sources of frustration can help us identify why we are coming into conflict and help us avoid leaping to dangerous conclusions.
However good our intentions, conflict is a near inevitability so we should also be conscious of how we manage it when we come to it. Conflict can be managed in four ways . First is avoidance – denying the conflict exists and carrying on regardless. Second is accommodation – rolling over and letting the other party have their way. Third is competition – may the best man win. And last if collaboration – coming to a mutually acceptable compromise.
All of these methods of handling conflict have their place. An awareness of these four strategies is useful in order to recognise how we handle our conflicts and why this may or may not result in the outcomes we want. The first two strategies are often expedient ways to diffuse a situation but are likely to potentiate frustration in the long run, or simply leave conflict unresolved. Competition may be a useful way of succeeding in an environment with limited resources but runs counter to efforts to build teams and may ultimately foster resentment and fuel further conflict. Collaboration is perhaps the best means of resolving conflict to allow sustainable change and productivity but it is time consuming, draining, and difficult to make work if there are already pre-existing problems with the relationship between interested parties (2).
Conflict is damaging and needs to be handled. An awareness of how we can handle conflict can help us manage conflict more effectively and more strategically. Competing may come naturally to you but picking your battles and learning to accommodate on occasion, or collaborate when possible, may make for healthier and more productive working relationships for the future.
References
1. Randall CS, Bergus GR, Schlechte JA et al Factors associated with primary care residents' satisfaction with their training. Fam Med. 1997 Nov-Dec;29(10):730-5.
2. Saltman D, O'Dea N, and Kidd M. Conflict management: a primer for doctors in training. Postgrad Med J. 2006 Jan; 82(963): 9–12.